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Because the dogs in that alley are blind, they can see. They can see that there are no neighbors this time of the year. They can see that the landlord of this apartment building is a misanthrope, an honorable man, and that the rent is due in two days. They can see that there are no fields beyond these fields because everything is exhaustible. They can also see that there is no city outside this city. There is no country, too.
Don’t you know that this seasonal sloughing of skin is painless? It only means we are reverting to our portable forms. It only means we can choose to side with the truth, even if it will hurt us—and because it will hurt us. So don’t ride the pale horse just yet. Don’t choose between the bottle and the rope just yet. There should still be a little bit of wildness left in your jaded heart. Because: who has hurt you this time, why can’t you see enough to unsee, why do you insist that this world belongs to people, why can’t you stop consuming more of all the things you do not need, why can’t you just walk out of the wide open door of your makeshift cage.
The only man I ever loved is still dead. I miss him so much. I should have told him then, I should have told him before he went away, I should have told him where I was in this darkness so he could find his way back home to me.
In memory of J
