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Balter bravely through the straggling sun of a life that wishes it had whizzed past your tired ass, blasted through the revolving door of the Discount Store of Joy, and availed its own slick self of this once-in-a-lifetime shopping opportunity.
Pay now or pay later!
Oh, reticent consumer, presumer of endless parades of dead-soul days. Crash the doors, explore the twin shelves of delight and desire as they embank the steady stream of great apes, primates in face-paint, dyed hides, and mary-janes, scaling skyward, nubivagant with curled thumb and wrinkled palm to the top shelves where perfectly packaged pleasure awaits.
The balls-out clearance you’ve been waiting for!
Push past the swamp of your rotten, sloppy mind. Prepare your mustard. Wrest all hesitation from your shadowed heart. Stretch your hand and demand your one-hundred-percent genuine- article glee. Allow this one-of-a-kind bliss to fill the lacuna of your lethargic soul, leave it brimming with that satisfying new-joy smell.
Avoid disappointment! Limited time only!
Free this felicity, slippery, wriggling from its gladness package. Swallow its sweet nectar, gulp that runny dew inside of you. Suffocate, annihilate your defeatist thesis whose only conclusion is your furrow-faced, regret-laced dissolution.
Don’t delay! The savings won’t last!
Smash past the masses and claim your deserved delight, your justified jubilation, your own bad-ass gladness because once it’s gone, honey, it’s gone.